Ever Open-Handed
Author: Jaclyn Tobin
When I was a kid, I loved catching all kinds of bugs. I searched the leaves of summer plants and scoped out the in-betweens of sidewalks to see what could be snagged. I loved how they felt in my hands. Roly-polies felt like pony beads. Grasshoppers flicked around like popcorn. Earthworms just made a mess.
Moths and butterflies were my favorite. It was because of their wings. They flitted and fluttered around in my cupped palms, trying their might to find the best exit. All the while I enjoyed the feel of their wings tickling me.
These experiences only lasted a couple minutes, though. My imagination was quick to interject. As these bugs spent time in my hands, I made up stories in my mind. I gave them journeys and quests, elaborate backstories about where they were going before I got a hold of them. An adventurer myself, I felt compassion for them. I thought about the detour their trip took with my interruption. I knew they didn’t belong in my little makeshift container. No matter how wonderful it felt to hold them, I opened my hands again. I made it as easy as possible for them to find their paths and watched as they went on their way.
Lately I’ve been asking the Lord about relationships. I love people. I want to love them as best as I can, so it’s a frequent topic between God and me. I’ve been asking questions like “How do I invest in them?”, “How do I show up authentically?”, and “How do I remind them that they’re valuable to You?” Among the greats, there are some questions that are driven by fears: “What if they leave?”, “What if this friendship shifts?”, “God, can you help me keep this?”
These are some of the heaviest questions I bring to Him, and I’m glad He does not keep silent. The most recent collection of asks found a response:
“What’s in your hand?”
When I feel like there’s a word from the Lord, I run to scripture to help me out. This question came up in Moses’ story. He was in the midst of a conversation with God when his fears interjected. God asked him, “What’s in your hand?” After Moses saw the staff, God asked him to set it on the ground before him. Once I read that portion, I got a picture.
I was a kid again. I was beaming over something I held carefully in my hands. Something so precious that I couldn’t bear to let it free. It wasn’t a ladybug; it wasn’t a snail. It was a whole collection of relationships, all held by two tiny hands.
I loved the feeling of them in my own grasp. They were full of life and fun. They held depth and adventure. I couldn’t believe they were mine. I couldn’t believe I was trusted to have them. I saw myself in awe of what I was holding. Oh, how quickly my hands cupped around a good thing.
Authentic relationships are good things. They can chisel us, teach us, and remind us we’re not alone. I knew this. That’s why my hands have a tendency to clasp around them. But people aren’t collectibles. They are living and breathing human beings. Relationships are more fluid than they are stationary. They aren’t meant to be preserved in our hands.
Then, just like when I was a kid, I considered the backstories. I thought about the coming and the going of seasons. I pictured my friends’ journeys with handfuls of detours and destinations. I finally realized I was just a piece of the bigger story. I was a friend in the mix. They belonged to the Lord, not to me.
So, I opened my hands again. I let the Lord show me what relationships could be when they were laid down at His Feet. Nothing is forced or decided out of fear. There is freedom to change and to shift. The coming and the going isn’t seen as a loss anymore. In fact, there is a beauty in that kind of movement.
I’m still working on this skill of being open-handed in relationships. I spend the time I have with friends showing up 100% myself, searching for things in them I get to call up, and staying present in the memories we make. When the frequency of hangouts changes or the conversations have more quiet lulls than questions, I’m learning how to take a deep breath and trust the friendship to God. He knows them. He knows me. He sees the coming and the going. I get to be a friend in the mix.
Now there’s room for relationships to be a gift again. It gets to be an honor being a part of their story. It’s not something I need to cling to, because I’m held by a Loving God. There’s room for growth and for change. There’s space for people to be people.
Just like when I was a kid searching those sidewalks, my mind still gets curious about hidden treasures. Could this love for holding precious things be something more than just a childlike thing? Perhaps it’s a piece of God’s desire for us. Think about all of the ways He keeps us. All of the scriptures that use the imagery of being held and covered and carried. What if this desire to hold these precious things is how He delights in holding us? If so, it would be an honor to be held that carefully by a Loving God. It would be a privilege to live a life that is ever open-handed.
“You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.”
https://bible.com/bible/59/isa.62.3.ESV
“His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!”
https://bible.com/bible/59/sng.2.6.ESV
“This makes Jesus the guarantor of a better covenant. The former priests were many in number, because they were prevented by death from continuing in office, but he holds his priesthood permanently, because he continues forever.”
https://bible.com/bible/59/heb.7.22-24.ESV
“You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”
https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.139.5-9.ESV
“My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”
https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.63.8.ESV
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
